Talk To Me
by thepixiesmademedoit
Summary: Who would have thought Deeks would be the one to freak out? Kensi certainly didn't.


This is just an idea that snuck into my head when I wasn't looking. It was given a little encouragement from the quote below and then refused to leave until it had a story all to itself!  
Many thanks in advance to anyone and everyone who kindly takes the time to review, and special thanks, as ever, go to **imahistorian** for her limitless support and encouragement - you rock!  
It is, perhaps, a little OOC, but hope you enjoy anyway!

* * *

"_I just want you to talk to me about it. I want us to talk about what it'll mean and how we'll make it work; I want us to talk like we're gonna figure it out together; I want us to talk... because I like the sound of your voice. I just want to talk."_

**_Danny to CJ - The West Wing_**

* * *

This was his favourite place in the world and he didn't care who knew it. The beautiful setting sun slowly dropping down below the magnificent horizon that was the Pacific Ocean was an amazing site. The soft sand below him was still warm from a day of bright California sunshine, but as he dug down a little under the surface the grains were cooler. The ocean waves had done their usual job of leaving him refreshed, but today they had failed in washing away his worries. Most people wouldn't believe it but, yes, even he had worries. Lying back in the sand, not caring where it lodged itself, all he could think about was the argument. It had been a howler, but if he were honest, he could sense that it had been building for a while.

The case of the last two days had, in itself, been fairly straight forward, particularly from his point of view and when the moment had come he'd played out his role to the maximum providing a very necessary distraction before going on to find the explosives they had been attempting to track down. Job well done, pat on the head from the boss, all good. But then one of their suspects had decided to make a break for freedom and Kensi had taken off after him wearing a look of determination that he recognised all too well. He had followed after them, rounding an alley corner just in time to see Kensi get slammed heavily against the side of a dumpster. Barking out an array of uncensored, angry remarks he'd kept on chasing until the suspect had found himself at the end of an alley with nowhere to go. Under arrest once more, the man had been less than thrilled as the team had dragged him away for questioning.  
Returning to Kensi he could tell she wasn't okay, but straightening herself up she insisted to those present that she was fine, that it was just a bump and not to worry. Back at the boat shed he had watched her carefully from his position across the room, noticing how none of her usual grace was present in her slightly uncomfortable movements, with winces of pain indicating the true extent of her injuries when she thought no-one was looking. Nothing was said right then, they needed to get through the interviews, but as they had all turned to leave Deeks had made a comment about it and an argument had quickly erupted. With a significant look to each other Callen and Sam had pretended not to hear and carried on towards their cars and their respective homes, leaving him feeling completely helpless. Minutes passed and the argument continued until Kensi shot out a final angry comment and strode away.

Of course there was far more to all of it than Kensi's inability to admit when she was injured and Deeks' inability to stop pestering her, and right then he knew that they desperately needed to sort it out.  
Picking himself up off the beach and vigorously shaking the sand from his hair he looked over at his shaggy companion who, after carefully taking in the imploring expression on his face, did the same. He must know what they had to do, he couldn't be _that_ stupid.

Stopping briefly at a nearby convenience store they drove the ten minutes to Kensi's place, the warm evening air blowing in through the open windows the whole way. He loved it when they drove with the windows down, air conditioning just wasn't the same. It was so sterile and if you closed your eyes there was no sense of where you were from the surrounding smells. Smells were important, they told a story all of their own if only you allowed them to.

Arriving at Kensi's he looked over to his companion and sighed and after five full minutes of sitting in quiet contemplation he decided enough was enough. Grabbing the bag and leaping from the car he walked along the path to Kensi's house and positioned himself outside the door placing the bag on the ground in front of him. Banging noisily against the glass door, as only he could, he paused waiting patiently for it to be opened. Okay, so maybe she wasn't necessarily going to be pleased to see him, but he was determined to stay here until this thing was resolved.

Kensi pulled back the blind covering the glass and looked out. She frowned, slightly confused at not seeing anyone there and tentatively opened the door. Eyes lowering towards the ground, Kensi's frown deepened as she took in the unexpected sight of him sitting there alone.

"Monty, what are you...?"

Reality quickly caught up to Kensi with all the subtlety of a neon sign pointing directly to the obvious fact that if Monty was here than so was Deeks.

Looking over his shoulder to where the LAPD detective was steadily walking up the path towards them, Monty gave out an impatient string of barks and picking up the bag once more took it with him into the house leaving the two humans to try and sort out their issues.

"What are you doing here?"

"Monty kind of insisted," he began, a playful smile passing fleetingly over his face before becoming more serious again, "Plus I wanted to see how you were."

"I'm fine," Kensi replied, frustration strong in her voice as she crossed her arms firmly over her chest.

"And I thought maybe we could try and talk about what happened," he tentatively suggested.

"Last I recall you were fairly adamant that there was nothing to talk about," Kensi returned evenly.

"Well, I think we both know that was a lie." Deeks admitted, pausing for a second before continuing, "I don't want this to end us, Kensi."

Considering his words carefully she sighed, knowing he was right. She didn't want things to get left as they were, they really did need to talk. The last few days had been awkward and uncomfortable, full of hurt feelings and confused emotions, and then something would happen. Something would happen to make them forget just for a moment and a look or a smile would be shared, a gentle laugh released sounding out like a small beacon of hope that all would be well between them, and then suddenly they'd remember that things were not okay and the mood would darken leaving both of them longing for what they had before. Kensi wasn't sure if there was any going back for them or what the future might hold, but to get to that point of knowing they needed to talk.

"Okay," she responded reluctantly and walked back into the house saying nothing when her partner followed.

Kensi had left the television on and having settled himself at the end of the sofa Monty began to watch. He didn't mind re-runs of _Cheers_, there were certainly more laughs with that than the alternative that was on offer. In fact right now he suspected a trip to the vet would hold greater enjoyment given the current atmosphere.  
Why these two had to make things so complicated, constantly sniffing around each other like two hounds lost in the rain, was beyond him because, going by the pheromone release his senses were assaulted by every time they were together, there were strong and passionate feelings between these two. As far as Monty was concerned chemistry that could create an aroma like they did when they were together wasn't to be fought against, but acted upon, as the King Charles Spaniel bitch on the ground floor of their apartment block could attest to.

"So talk," Kensi threw at her partner, turning to face him as he closed the door behind them.

Deeks opened his mouth to speak, but the words just wouldn't come.

"What? You finally run out of things to say?"

The piercing blue of his eyes refused to flinch away from the chocolate brown of hers. It was obvious from her tone that not only had she quickly and successfully reconstructed a wall around her heart, but that she had every intention of defending it with force. Every emotion appeared painfully raw and as Deeks desperately searched for some sort of explanation as to what had happened between them, for why he had reacted the way he had, the right words refused to lend themselves to him.

"Wow," she continued, the sarcasm heavy. "If I'd known that sleeping with you was the way to shut you up, I would have got it over with two years ago and saved myself some hassle."

Deeks flinched. That one had stung.

Seeing the hurt expression on his face Kensi's anger receded just a little. As much as she'd love to heap every bit of blame regarding their current situation on her partner, she knew that she had to take some responsibility for it too. Deeks hadn't forced himself on her, he hadn't behaved improperly, she had been a more than willing participant, and now they were having to deal with it head on.

"Sorry, I..."

"Don't worry about it," he replied softy, "Not like I didn't deserve it."

The silence returned once more, neither knowing where to begin. Kensi needed to gather her thoughts together, she hadn't been expecting Deeks to show up as soon as he had. Deep down she knew he would turn up eventually, but in this instance eventually had arrived much quicker than she'd been expecting, and going by the unsure expression on her partner's face he was experiencing the same issue.

"Look, I'm going to go take a shower," she told him making her way towards the bedroom, "Should give you enough time to work out what you want to say. Help yourself to a beer, I won't be too long."

"Have you eaten yet?"

"Not hungry," she answered sadly, pushing the door to behind her.

At hearing the sounds of water falling heavily within the confines of the bathtub, Deeks ran both hands through his hair whilst releasing a breath he wasn't even aware he'd been holding onto. Looking over to Monty, he performed a double take at the intensity of the glare he was being given.  
Things were definitely a mess. Even the dog knew it.

Making his way into the kitchen he considered what had happened to get them to this point and a smile tugged persistently at his lips until it covered his whole face. Despite the current Arctic-like conditions between them he still couldn't think about that night without smiling, it really had been amazing.

Over the past two years Kensi and Deeks had grown and evolved together creating a strong and synchronised partnership. A connection between them had been forged, a deeply caring friendship had emerged, and absolute trust had been born from it. However, their night together had taken every aspect of what they so valued to a whole new level.

The day had begun like most, with a case. It was a case that had led them to a nightclub. A bag of doughnuts and surveillance for Sam and Callen, fancy clothes and dancing for Kensi and Deeks. And danced they had. As undercover specialists they knew how to pull this off, but as the hours passed and the tempo rose there were moments when the comfortable intimacy of their partnership was hard to ignore. Looks were shared and touches lingered creating ripples of emotions that neither were in a position to deal with right then, but both knew were real. And then things had gone very wrong. A former petty officer, previously arrested for drug dealing, recognised Kensi and they were made. Cornered without weapons then physically overpowered, guns had been held to their heads with the safeties released before their team mates had shown up to redirect attentions and ultimately save them.

Kensi and Deeks had been left on a lingering adrenaline high which, when combined with the feelings that they had permitted to surface through the evening and a little tequila enjoyed on the floor of Kensi's living room, had led to a 'seize the day' kind of moment, and the rest as they say was history.

Kisses had quickly intensified, touches began to wonder and explore, and then clothes had been slowly and tantalisingly discarded. Every aspect of their connection had suddenly felt intensified and deepened, and the trust that so typified their relationship had remoulded itself effortlessly giving the type of freedom and confidence that even copious amounts of alcohol couldn't provide.

Wild horses couldn't have torn Deeks from Kensi right then and nothing, absolutely nothing, about making love with this amazing woman had felt wrong. Every kiss, every touch, every movement had felt as easy and as natural as breathing, and he'd known right then that this 'thing' between them could be so much more.

* * *

_Waking to the delicious scent of Deeks surrounding her, feeling his arms holding her gently against him as his heart beat out a rhythm directly into her ear, Kensi had laid perfectly still and content, her world at peace. _

_For some time now she'd felt as if she really knew Marty Deeks, could read his 'tells' and even predict how he'd likely react in any given situation. However, as he nuzzled into her hair taking in one final deep breath, he whispered the words, "I can't do this," against her head, causing Kensi's breath to catch suddenly and painfully in her chest. Unsure as to which of them he was speaking, Kensi decided to remain quiet, but as he began to carefully untangle himself from her the reality of his words began to sink in._

_Needing to see Deeks' face, to see his expression, Kensi opened her eyes and was greeted with a look which bordered almost on anguish, as an uncontrolled storm of emotions raged within the piercing blue of his own eyes. _

"_You're leaving?" she asked, not seeing a need for morning pleasantries._

_Looking away, unable to hold her gaze, Deeks began locating his clothes from across the bedroom and living room floors. _

"_Deeks?" Kensi tried again as she sat up, watching as he pulled on the dark coloured slacks he had worn the previous evening. "What's going on?" _

_There was tension across his shoulders, clear in the way he stood, and everything about his body language seemed in total contradiction to who he was and, more importantly, how they were together. _

"_Nothing," he replied dismissively. "I just need to go get showered and changed before work."_

"_I have a shower here and your 'go bag' is in the car."_

_Deeks didn't answer as he began buttoning the shirt that would need returning to Hetty in a short while._

"_I never thought you'd be the one to run." Kensi observed. _

"_I'm not running," he responded, his voice quiet and lacking all of his usual confidence. _

"_Crap!" she replied, incredulity tingeing her voice as feelings of hurt rose within her. "You're running, and you're not even going to talk to me about why?" _

_Deeks' fingers paused in place as they fastened the final button, his eyes closing tightly as he desperately tried to hold back the waves of emotions that were currently crashing fiercely against what little reserve he had left. He felt as if he had feasted upon forbidden fruit, the taste lingering temptingly on his lips, leaving him with the one single desire of devouring it over and over again. _

"_I can't believe you're doing this," she added, a steely edge having entered her voice. It was a self-protecting tone that he recognised well, but also one which she had all but stopped using around him as their partnership and friendship had grown and changed._

_If he were honest, Deeks couldn't quite believe he was doing this either, but his heart was pounding uncomfortably against his ribcage, his head was screaming at him to leave as fast as possible and he could sense a degree of panic beginning to take hold of him. _

"_Leave it, Kensi. Please?" he asked, his voice imploring in his request. "All you're doing is making this harder than it already is." _

"_Harder?" she echoed, "I don't see how. I think you're making walking out look pretty easy about now."_

_Kensi could see a frown form deeply across his forehead at her words as each could feel the solid foundation of their partnership begin to buckle and twist under the weight of the words so purposely being left unspoken._

"_We're partners," he replied firmly, adding steel to his own tone, "I can't lose that." _

"_You once told me that as partners we could talk about anything," Kensi continued, her building frustration leaving her oblivious to the signs Deeks was desperate for her to see. "And now you're taking the coward's way out."_

_Feeling as if any remaining choice was being ungraciously torn from him, Deeks levelled his gaze at the beautiful woman before him and threw back at her the biggest of lies._

"_Or maybe there's just nothing to talk about."_

_Everything that was Kensi slumped as if she had been punched and Deeks took in every minute detail fighting an internal battle not to rush over and pull her into his arms. Both knew that it was not the words themselves that were damaging but more whom they had been spoken by. _

_Feeling the hurt radiating off every inch of his partner and knowing that he was the cause was like a dagger through his still racing heart. Gathering the rest of his belongings he murmured, "I'll see you at work," and quickly exited the house as hot, angry tears began to sting at the corners of his eyes._

_Hearing the front door click shut Kensi immediately got out of bed and headed to the bathroom, unable to sit amongst the bed linen which would forever hold memories of their night together. However, thoughts of Deeks refused to leave her as simply as he had seemed to, his scent lingering on and around her, creating a tempest of emotions she had been ill prepared to deal with. Turning on and then stepping into the shower hot water rained down in a steady cascade washing from her skin the last remnants of their night together, along with the tears that now fell in it's wake. How had they so suddenly arrived at this point? _

_It would be a lie of fairly large proportions to say that Kensi had never thought about sleeping with her partner before this. It would also be untrue to say that she had never considered this as a possible outcome. She wasn't naïve, she certainly wasn't stupid, and she'd had enough one-night stands of her own to know that there was a routine of words and reactions that could and would be used to cover the various situations that arose during the aftermath. However, never in any of her considerations had she allowed for Deeks being the one to screw it all up, such was her faith in him, and that more than anything was what was causing the constriction and ache across her chest. Kensi, with her no second date rule, knew just how capable of screwing things up she was, but in actuality she was almost too fine with everything, almost too relaxed about what changes they had unleashed upon their partnership, and that in itself had been unexpected._

_Finishing getting dressed Kensi looked over to her bed, the sheets crumpled and strewn, and a hollow space formed in the pit of her stomach leaving her feeling as empty as the bed now was. Quickly stripping off all of the linen she breathed in one last reminder of her partner's presence before stuffing it all in the washing machine and, with a certain finality, pressed 'start'. Although, the way she was feeling, it might as well of read 'delete'._

* * *

Despite her claim of not being hungry, Deeks knew that Kensi had eaten very little all day, so after locating the bread he proceeded to make her a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, which he knew she would prefer to 'real food' right then. Placing the sandwich on a plate and pulling two beers from the fridge he walked across the cluttered living room and cautiously toed open the door in the hopes of avoiding any embarrassing scenes. The shower had stopped and as he placed the plate and beer on the dresser the bathroom door opened and Kensi appeared wrapped in a towel, another in her hands as she roughly dried her hair. Immediately noticing the newly formed bruises on her upper arms Deeks ignored the glare he was being given due to his unabashed presence in her bedroom.

"He didn't didn't hold back, did he?" he remarked, indicating towards the new flashes of colour appearing on her arms.

Kensi shrugged, "Had worse," she said as she turned towards the dresser, but couldn't stop a small smile from forming as she saw the beer and sandwich. How well he knew her never ceased to surprise. She wished that she could raise some level of discomfort at having Deeks stood in her bedroom, but the feeling just wouldn't develop. They had crossed all remaining boundaries involving personal space and, although it felt a little cheap, she felt the need to let him linger in order to gage his reactions to her freshly showered state.

"There's another one on your back," Deeks added gently, the contusion just visible over the top of her towel.

"Thought there might be," she answered dismissively taking a sip of the beer, "Thanks for this by the way."

"You're welcome."

Taking a couple of steps back and leaning against the door frame, beer in hand, Deeks found himself entranced, staring at the soft, olive skin of her back before trying to look at anything but. His heart was thumping in his chest and he was fighting the very real need to cross the room and envelop Kensi in his embrace. He knew how that skin felt against his skin, how it tasted on his lips, the memory so vivid in his mind he could almost touch it, however, right then he knew he probably shouldn't even be looking. Of course he could solve the problem he was experiencing by simply leaving the room, but he couldn't seem to make his feet move and his eyes felt just as unwilling to adjust their focus. Managing to force them onto a nearby wall he was eternally grateful that Kensi remained facing away from him.

Wincing silently Kensi had to admit, at least to herself, that her back really was sore, with a headache that was slowly working it's way up across the back of her skull. Opening up the dresser drawers she pulled out a pair of loose fitting trousers followed by a vest and long-sleeved t-shirt, all the while noticing, through the reflection in the mirror, that the man standing by the door was determinedly looking anywhere but at her.

Reaching across the dresser for some pain killers Deeks, though, caught sight of Kensi's grimace in the same mirror. Opening the lid she gently shook out two tablets and quickly swallowed them with another sip from her beer.

"You alright?" he asked standing up a little straighter.

"Just a headache."

"Your back as well?" he asked stepping further into the room.

"I'm fine," she answered, although the words didn't sound nearly as confident as they had when she'd spoken them earlier. Turning slightly towards him, she caught sight of the bottle of tequila which sat on the bookshelf by the door and found that her eyes paused upon it for far longer than she would have liked, the memories evoked simply by it's presence still agonisingly fresh in her mind. Deeks followed her gaze, a small lump forming in his throat because he knew where she had been taken in her mind, and he couldn't help but allow his own thoughts to drift to the same place.

"Kens," he began, noticing how a part of her protective wall had crumbled away allowing a steady stream of emotions to escape, each one of them emoted through her unique eyes.

"Three nights ago you were doing tequila shots off my stomach."

"Couple of other places too," Deeks mumbled, unable to keep the memories from assaulting him.

"And less than five minutes ago you didn't even want to look at me," she finished sadly, her eyes returning to his.

"You really believe that?" Deeks asked, surprised that she could think such a thing, but unsurprised that she had known where he was looking.

"I don't know what to believe," she answered dismissively. Did she really want to do this now? The trouble being that everything was unresolved and would continue to be for as long as they left things unsaid.

"I'm here, Kensi," he tried.

"Because you want to be or because you're feeling guilty?" she shot back.

Deeks swallowed hard, "You don't know what to believe? Believe me when I tell you that I want to look," he said taking a small step towards her, his voice barely above a whisper, "Believe me when I tell you that it's taking a lot of effort not to look, especially with you're stood there like that," Another step. "And believe me when I tell you that I want to touch you and kiss you and make love to you, and right now I am fighting the urge to do all three."

Kensi studied her partner closely, the look on his face completely open in his desires. Now stood only a few feet from Deeks, she was finding that she was having to fight the same urges that he had just put voice to as thoughts of their night together made the most tempting of incentives. But then she remembered the following morning and all of the hurt it had brought as neither of them had handled the situation well enough.

"Let me get dressed, okay? I'll be out in a minute," she told him and watched as he closed his eyes in pain and frustration before silently exiting the room, shutting the door behind him.

Dropping down heavily on the sofa beside Monty with a sigh, Deeks looked over at his companion who's eyes were staring directly back at him, all interest in the television momentarily lost.

"What?"

Monty grumbled out a brief, but clear, message of displeasure at the current situation.

"You think I don't know that?"

Monty sneezed and turned his attention back to the bar 'where everybody knows your name'. Boston was supposed to be nice this time of year.

* * *

Kensi dressed as quickly as her back would allow. Feeling stiff and uncomfortable, she only hoped that the painkillers would kick in soon.

Joining Deeks in the living room she looked over to the sofa to find that he was sat with his head resting across its back, his eyes searching the ceiling as he rubbed idle circles against Monty's side. Nothing about the scene seemed odd or out of place, it was almost astonishing in its normality.

Hearing Kensi walk in Deeks sat forward, resting his elbows on his knees, and pointing the remote towards the screen he turned the television off. Monty gave out a small whimper of surprise followed by a growl, but Deeks ignored it, his full attention now directed towards his partner as she sat down in the small armchair a short way away and placed her half-drank beer on the coffee table.

For a moment the silence returned, neither sure of how to begin the conversation that so desperately needed airing.

"I'm sorry," Deeks offered softly, "For all of this."

Kensi raised her head a fraction and stared straight into Deeks' eyes. The sheer weight of emotion that she could convey during moments like this, with just a simple look, was always startling to him. He'd never known anyone who could say so much without actually speaking. However, what truly frightened him was her ability to read him back, to look deep into his soul, see who he was but not take a step back.

"I'm not looking for an apology," she countered gently, her voice little more than a whisper, "I just need my partner to talk to me. After everything that happened between us you don't get to walk in here and say stuff like you just did and things be okay."

"I don't think that, Kens. I promise I don't think that."

"Good, because right now all it's doing is confusing things further, and my head really doesn't need that."

Deeks nodded his understanding, rubbing his fingers across his lips as he searched for a starting point. They were both sat there feeling vulnerable and exposed and until he explained his actions they were going to be stuck within this limbo status for some time.

"There's this old saying, 'When the gods wish to punish us, they answer our prayers', and I'm somewhat a believer in it," he began cautiously, "Whatever I've wanted most in life has usually come at a price which is often far greater than the value of what I wanted in the first place."

Kensi sat back in the chair bringing her beer with her. Drawing a leg up in front of her she took a sip from the bottle and unconsciously began picking at the label as she listened to the words Deeks was saying her.

"I've never been part of a proper family, and finding somewhere that I fit in, that I actually belonged, seemed like an unobtainable dream for a really long time. Then I came to work for NCIS. For the first time in my life I'm with of a group of people that actually value me, that actually care about me, and this is the nearest I've ever gotten to family. You guys might give me a hard time, but I know that when I get pushed away by one hand I'm gonna get pulled back twice as strong by another."

Kensi smiled softly. It was true. Deeks was part of their team, their family, and none of them would want it any other way.

"And then there's my partner," he continued, the last word filling his voice with a thickness that could only come from the intensity of emotion he felt at verbalising these sentiments. "I don't know how she's managed it but two years down the road and she's still here. And that's a hell of a lot longer than anyone else has ever stuck with me. This partnership is the most important relationship of my life and one that I cling onto with everything I have, because it's my guiding light." Deeks looked over at Kensi, pausing to lock his gaze with hers before speaking again. "The world makes sense sometimes just because you're stood beside me in the chaos."

Kensi continued watching the LADP detective with a certain amount of wariness, her attention to his tone of voice and body language, intent. As she met his blue eyes once more she could see that the emotional storm was still apparent, but it no longer raged out of control.

"My partner, this team," he paused, the very acknowledgement of what he was putting voice to felt like exposing his soul. "They've given me all I could ever want as a cop and even more as a friend, and just the thought of loosing either of them..."

He allowed the end of the sentence to hang in the air unfinished, trusting that Kensi would know which words to fill the silence with.

"Okay," Kensi accepted as she finished off her beer and stood gingerly from the armchair.

Watching through narrowed eyes, Deeks could see that Kensi wasn't moving well as she walked to the kitchen before returning with two more beers. Quickly ironing out the concern from his expression, as she handed him one of the cold bottles and resettled herself in the armchair, he knew that right then was not a good time to pursue that particular line of enquiry.

"So why the freak out?"

Deeks allowed a smile to pass over his lips at her choice of words, it was strangely reassuring.

"Because the realisation of how much we'd changed everything scared the crap out of me," he admitted, uncapping his drink and taking a mouthful. "The two things that mean the most in my life, the two things which make my life what it is, and all I could see right then was them slipping away. Everything was so perfectly balanced out, and then I reached for something more, for something I'd been wanting for a really long time and the scales began to tip."

"I wanted it too," Kensi admitted softly, "And when it happened it felt right in a way I never expected it to."

Deeks nodded in agreement. "When I woke up in the morning, with you still in my arms, just for a moment my whole world stopped, because it was perfect."

"And then you ran," she told him, her voice steeped in emotion as more pieces of label were unceremoniously stripped from her current beer bottle. Kensi knew that the tears, which were building unforgivingly at the corners of her eyes, were clear for him to see and more than anything right then she wished that she could do a better job of concealing the hurt that she felt. But this wasn't some undercover assignment. This wasn't a role to be played, an act to be sold, this was real and so were her feelings. She and Deeks already spent far too much of their time pretending, wrapping themselves within an enigma of endless lies and false emotions that right then, when the stakes were set at such a heart wrenchingly personal level, she needed to feel all that it was and embrace it.

"I started to think about whether there really could be something more between us," he replied, "I started to think about whether we could actually have some kind of future together. And then my brain was flooded with all the ways in which I could, and probably would, screw it up. And in that moment I saw all that I could lose – my best friend, my partner, my team... my family – crumble into dust around me. I thought that if I left then maybe I could salvage some of it before I was in too deep. But it doesn't work that way, does it? It's never that simple?"

A single tear broke free from Kensi's left eye as she gently shook her head, followed by another from her right eye and at that moment Deeks could sit idly by no longer. Moving over towards her he sat down on the end of the coffee table directly in front of her and reached forward cupping her face with both hands. Gaining comfort from his touch Kensi dropped her foot back down to the floor and gently leaned towards him until her forehead met his shoulder, her partner's arms holding her safely in place, his cheek resting against the top of her head.

"I'm so sorry, Kensi," he repeated, "I was an idiot." Kensi gave a small nod against his shirt in response. "A dumb ass," he offered and Kensi nodded again. "And a selfish bastard?" Another nod. "Okay, so here's my attempt at being a better person in this – what do _you_ want?"

Pulling back and allowing Deeks to push her still damp hair away from her face, one hand remaining entwined in her long, dark locks, the other tenderly brushing the tears from her cheek, Kensi smiled tentatively.

"I just want us to talk," she responded quietly. "I want my partner and I want my friend, and I want us to figure the rest out together. No running."

Holding her in place and leaning forward a little, Deeks pressed his lips to Kensi's forehead, his eyes shut tight at the flare of joy and relief threatening to escape from him.

"I like that plan," he murmured, his lips ghosting over her skin before he kissed her again. "Because the only thought that scares me more than losing my team and my partner, is losing the incredible woman I spent the most amazing night of my life with three days ago."

"I'm scared of losing you too, you know." Kensi murmured gently.

Deeks nodded in understanding. "I don't want to run from this anymore, Kens, I don't want to hide. I just want you."

"So does that mean you're staying?" she whispered.

"Yeah, I'm staying," he confirmed, a sheepish smile present on his lips.

Kensi smiled, closing the small distance between them. Brushing her lips gently, almost hesitantly, against his she felt a certain amount of relief when Deeks reacted instinctively and with want. His lips were soft and responsive, and their now intimate proximity to hers caused a warmth to spread up from the pit of her stomach where only a few days ago the emptiness had been chilling. Fresh hope brought a hint of much needed colour to Kensi's skin as she allowed herself to perhaps believe that the broken pieces of their relationship really could be put back together.  
The knowledge that he was being gifted with a second chance to prove himself to this beautiful woman almost floored Deeks, the heady realisation causing all the fine hairs on the back of his neck to stand suddenly on end as if a current of electricity had passed right through him. The feel of her mouth moving against his, the sensations her hands created as they wondered the length of his arms before stilling at his neck, stirred a barely sated passion that he had tried desperately to convince himself would never be ignited again.  
As the kiss deepened torrents of fresh emotion were poured into it, each one more powerful than the last. Words still needed voicing, but as seconds moved into minutes the simple and uncomplicated pleasure of being able to show the other how they felt through raw, untempered action far outweighed its immediate requirement.  
Kensi tugged lightly at Deeks' shirt collar, needing to feel the security of his body against hers, and gradually pulled him forward until he was kneeling between her legs. A shiver travelled the length of Kensi's spine as their bodies met, but a sudden shooting pain across the middle of her back quickly followed. A sharp intake of breath and a unrestrained grimace caused their lips to part and the moment to end.

"Your back's hurting you, isn't it?" he whispered breathlessly into her ear.

Replacing her head back down on her partner's broad shoulder Kensi nodded in confirmation whilst biting her lower lip as the spasm across her back peaked before easing once more allowing her to release the breath she had been holding.

"Good job I came prepared."

"What do you mean?"

Reaching for the bag that Monty had brought in from the car, Deeks pulled out a couple of instant cold packs and wasted no time in snapping the capsule inside one and placing it on Kensi's back where he recalled the worst of the bruising to be.

"What are you do... ahh!" she yelped, jerking away from him as she reacted to the sudden temperature drop on her injured back. "You could have warned me!"

"Well what did you think I was going to do, rub a Twinkie on it?" he responded incredulously, holding the pack firmly in place. "I bought a couple of heat packs too so we can alternate them."

"Thank you," Kensi told him, then added as an afterthought, "I don't suppose you also bought..."

"Some Tylenol and ibuprofen?" he interrupted, a confident smile forming on his lips.

"Actually, I was going to say Twinkies," she corrected hopefully.

Deeks couldn't help the chuckle which escaped him at her words.

"That's my girl," he sighed with a slight shake of his head, before kissing Kensi once more and standing up.

"Excuse me?" she questioned, wanting to make sure she'd heard him correctly, whilst a look of barely disguised amusement covered her face.

Deeks grinned and bending back down pushed his lips firmly to hers. "You heard," he insisted, and after handing her the ice pack made his way over to the door.

"Where are you going?"

"The Twinkies are in the car."

Kensi smiled and gave herself further permission to hope. This was the Deeks she knew and loved, this was how she wanted them to be together, and this right here was a starting point for the future.

'Yeah,' she thought to herself, 'this might just work.'

* * *

The sun had long since set over the Los Angeles skyline leaving those left in it's wake shrouded in a blanket of rich, heavy darkness. Music played out softly across Kensi's cosy living room, the ideal background to the steady and continuous rhythm of hers and Deeks' voices as they talked. Laughter was a regular interruption from both sides of the sofa they shared, their legs entangled at the point where they met in the middle, but they kept talking. They kept talking about everything and anything, from favourite cartoons to failed arrests, near-death experiences to childhood pets. They kept talking about them, their relationship and how they were going to make it work. They kept talking until the first glimmer of sun rays returned to them from over the desert horizon casting a pale light about the room and giving realisation to what they had accomplished.

Holding out his hands to Kensi, and causing Monty varying degrees of displeasure when she accepted them, Deeks pulled his partner carefully into his embrace, her head coming to rest comfortably on his chest. Wrapping their arms around each other, Kensi raised her head just long enough to place a lingering kiss to his lips before returning her ear to the reassuring sound of his heart beating out a steady rhythm beneath his rib cage.

Nothing more needed saying right then, nothing more required words and as silence descended over them, sleep quickly followed. The world, _their_ world, was as it should be. Not quite how it was before, but definitely as it should be.

Resettling himself on what was left of the sofa Monty took a final glance across at the two humans, unable to stifle the contented tail wag which escaped him. Closing his eyes, just as they had done, he began to drift slowly to sleep, one thought clear in his mind, that this right here, _this_, was truly his favourite place in the world. The beach was good, but wherever these two were would always be better.

**THE END**


End file.
